Who was cheering for violence this week? The political diary of Ed Miliband

Monday 17th
Had the idea to steal into Jordan Peterson’s ARC conference, or Alliance of Responsible Citizenship. Well, I’m a responsible citizen, aren’t I? More than Liberty Truss, who I hear has a 44-second podium gig. Trying out disguises, until I settle on stealing brother David’s ID and hiding in plain sight. He’s never been mistaken for a lefty, and so it was! Got in without any trouble. I suppose my star has faded to be so easily mistaken for ‘Dave’ simply by wearing his name badge.

You have to hand it to Peterson. He’s figured out how to sound sensible half the time, which is, of course, the strategy. Tony adopted the same for New Labour. Say believable things so the batshit is more palatable (Exhibit A: WMD). At least JP admits he’s not a climate scientist before he then goes on to deny the problem exists. 

But what an experience. Hearing people cheer for violence. It reminded me of history classes watching ‘The World at War’ and clips of the Nuremberg Rallies.

Kevin Roberts, author of Project 2025, was on stage. Smug, but then he and Putin have got ‘Krasnov’ into the White House. He went on a rant, identifying Californian protections for trans people as the cause of the Palisades wildfires. Actually the cause. Again, cheering for violence. People need to be careful what they wish for, it could easily turn on them. Have they forgotten Luigi Mangione already? 

Didn’t spot any Roman Salutes. Did spot Kemi, furiously scribbling notes.

Tuesday 18th
Note to self: an attack strategy on Jordan should boost my profile again. Might revive Net Z too. Must get my Private Sec to start digging.

Wednesday 19th
Gave a speech at my favourite building, the Tate Modern, to celebrate artist Mike Kelley. Wished I’d checked his work in advance, as the exhibition was mainly frightened-looking cuddly toys. If I’m going to miss Cabinet, I don’t want to be reminded of the Cabinet!

Thursday 20th
Ah, there it is. The Nazi salute. Steve Bannon this time. Says he was just waving. I usually wave my hand when waving, perhaps a bit limply, but the hand moves around in a friendly manner. It doesn’t bend at the elbow, thrust out a flat hand, and then grab the lever to gas some immigrants. Could be just me though.

Friday 21st
Asked for comments for tomorrow’s bulletins about the jailing of the Just Stop Oil activists, just found guilty of conspiracy to cause public nuisance. They didn’t get close to Manchester Airport, got bagged coming out of their AirBnB. Judge MacAdam, as is his right, under the Sunak crimethink laws, ruled out necessity and reasonable excuse as defences.

Throwing around different angles for quotes with the team. Can’t be seen as too soft on Just Stop Oil, of course. Our new intern says Judge MacAdam told the defendants at the start of the trial that he did not read a great deal about climate science and could therefore be neutral. Intern suggested there was something in this we could use.

Something indeed, but not to our advantage. Makes me feel icky to hear the judiciary claiming ignorance of science as some sort of professional badge of honour. What was it Desmond Tutu said about claims to be neutral?

Saturday 22nd
Woke with a sudden thought: must delete my AirBnB profile.

Saturday PM
Update: American fascism is too fascist for French fascists.

Sunday 23rd
Weekend preparing for release of our carbon budgets. Difficult, when we’re behind on every metric. See the Grauniad is already wheeling out my ‘lukewarm’ (ha ha) quote about heat pumps. “I am very wary of saying that we will stop people having gas boilers at a point when we cannot guarantee that heat pumps will be cheaper.” 

Note to self: Don’t say anything you’re wary of saying!

We put out the usual to keep the papers at bay “Britain is back in the business of climate leadership” blah blah. Won’t hold the attack dogs for long. I need something inspirational. I see Kemi jumped the shark with her claim to be the defender of Western Civilization. I wonder if she’s fully paid up to Praxis Nation yet? They’re trying to channel their inner Aragorn too. What next, Kemi throwing open the doors to the Commons in leather straps covered in orc blood?

Got the intern, who was feeling despondent on Friday, to research bats and newts. Fun fact: three things we would not have without bats, who are pollinators – bananas, Tequila, and chewing gum. Which is the recipe for a good weekend with the wife when my dear brother has the kids sleep over in New York. No, David, I haven’t seen your driving licence. 

Checked Twitter before bed for exit polls on the German elections, and saw this: